Yup, things went somewhat sprout-shaped. To summarise:

• The Job-thing: (hadn't evolved into anything paid) crashed and burned a couple of weeks back due to...
• Anxiety/depression: got much worse rather than better. Suicidal ideation returned and I hit a low, becoming a quivering wreck. Did some cutting and it was more violent than usual (I'm usually slow and shallow, rotflol!), being quick and deep, but don't fret, if it's just cutting I go for fleshy areas devoid of blood vessels.
• Finances: rather dire i.e. skating within £50 of the overdraft limit and had to miss a leccy payment to keep above water. To explain, when I hit a low my frugal dried-bean and roll-ups existence gets buggered by the comfort-eating thing which unfortunately costs money and when I don't see a future other than topping myself it follows that budgeting/debt minimisation becomes rather a low priority. Unfortunately when I have a 'bouncy tigger' phase it can have a similar effect. Both 'extremes' leave a hangover effect of weight gain and monetary loss... cuz, hey! I bought more food!!! hahahahaha
• Yuletide: There are a couple of people I want to buy small pressies for this year and I really wanted to send some cards at least to a wider circle as I was rather too fucked last year (and a bit of a hermit what with the unsightly and painful skin reaction to carbemazepine I was enduring at the time. Unclean! Unclean!). I'm fretting somewhat as to how on earth I'm going to squeeze enough cash into Yule to achieve this. Pisses me off somewhat that when one is earning enough to have a disposable income it's no problem just to have an Amazon/MBNA session, whereas at the other extreme there's so much planning and worry involved. I mean I like to give to the people that are important to me, even if it is just a card or a song I've recorded. It really isn't great for one's self esteem to feel eleemosynary.
• Nick Clark: rather saddened and taken by surprise by his death this week, despite the amputation of his leg a year ago due to cancer. I was really hoping that he would be chairing a larger proportion of 'Any Questions' editions as his chairmanship was infinitely preferable to the Dimbleby. Sadly it's not going to happen. Does make one wonder if the amputation and treatment with allied emotional strain on himself and family was really worth it given the outcome. Ah well, it would be easy to be wise after the event and throw 'what ifs' at the doctors who assessed the condition and came up with prognoses and options. They can no more predict the future than you or I, only make a best guess based on previous patients with similar presentations. My sympathy to the Clark family in any case.
• Literature: Finally killed off Dracula on Friday. Bit of a slog I can tell you! Some extreme editing would have helped matters. Having said that, it seems that the novel was experimental in structure, which whilst being novel is the source of some flaws. The entire work consists of journal entries and communications in a variety of forms and by several characters. Great idea in that it could provide different perspectives and interpretations of events. Bad idea in that minor events are recounted and analysed repetitively and there is a huge swathe in the middle that drags interminably. The journal device also begins to lose some credibility in both quantity and detail e.g. whole pages of dialogue are recounted verbatim and the journalists are extraordinary assiduous. my own, personal bete noir is that bloody Van Helsing!!! He waffles on interminably taking an interminably circuitous route to 'the point' and not only this but in ungrammatical, English as a second language (think Manuel playing Sherlock Holmes) sprinkled with malapropisms. (for comic effect one assumes). Why his acolytes never scream "Just fucking-well spit it out you infuriating Dutchman!" is beyond me. It should also be noted that Stoker has crammed the work with modernity, perhaps to provide contrast with the superstitious nature of the plot e.g. use of the new-fangled shorthand, traveller's typewriter, phonograph recorders, telegraphic communication.
• Isaac Bashevis Singer: The Slave was a two-session romp of a novel with seldom a dull moment whilst simultaneously including a wealth of historical and cultural colour together with ethics, philospophy, theology and sociology. A darn good read imho. Set in 17th century Poland it follows the life of Jacob, a Jew forced into slavery after the brutal Chmielnicki massacre in which his family were brutally murdered. Highly recommended.
• Trojan Linkoptimizer: Does anyone know how to zap this bleeding annoying infection? Please?

That's surely enough for now. Give me a kick if I neglect my updates again!

2006 snogs

posted by Andy 05:32