Back to the depression, suicidal, anxiety thing. No clue how this year is going to pan out or whether I'll survive it really (so what else is new?). Just couldn't get out of bed, let alone out of the flat this week. Vivid dreams are back which I struggle to separate from remembered events. Subjects include sexual abuse, violence, death, humiliation, fear, anxiety, failure, horror, deviance, bullying etc etc. Some nights several of these.
Didn't help running out of venlafaxine a couple of days back cuz that's given me the nasty dizzy, wobbly thing again. But what does one do when one can't make it out of bed or flat let alone a couple of miles on foot or bus then back via chenist? Self harm raising it's head again slightly, not cutting, just fag burns at the mo. Making plans and researching the death option once again; it's diverting and slightly reassuring in an odd way.
Done the incommunicado thing again which will be worrying/pissing off various bods I guess.
GP is really going to think I'm taking the piss, I mean I picked up negative vibes last time. It's not easy admitting to being weak so I can really do without medics/psychs stereotyping me; especially as on the other hand I'm walked all over by other blokes (and women at that).
Anyhow. Sorry to blog negatively. At least I managed an update! Yay!

All those who requested a cd... I haven't forgotten you! Honest! Just have to organise the money to copy and ship. Didn't really expect such a volume of requests. Anyone who can help financally would be welcome.

2005 snogs

posted by Andy 18:41