poorly sick

Friday, April 30, 2004

Felt bloody awful this morning, Probably due to eating, drinking, sleeping habits I guess - with the added general mental/physical ill-health thing. Have been sleeping till noon and dreaming crazy dreams... and I mean CRAZY!!! Waking up covered in sweat, bed like a sponge. Hating the dawn. No idea what the future will bring, if anything. So what else is new eh? Not a great thing to admit to... being an increasingly useless piece of obnoxious shit, but what the hey, that's me I guess.

Still struggling with the spyware/registry thing. Thanks to Nickoli and alec for the advice, I'm onto it, but honestly, spyware progs and anti virus and manual registry changes are not solving it. Fuck!

Welcome to the 10 new European states. Good to have you aboard. Fuck those who are xenophobic about this, we will gain from this imho. Wonder if I will live to see all the Balkans acceding into the EU? Even if I don't live that long I hope it happens.

Sorry for all the incoherent, emotional rambling.

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 22:14

Cry Baby

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

I had the meeting with my new temporary boss type bloke and our employee relations officer yesterday. All started as expected and continued in same vein, i.e. my perception was treated as wrong/lies whilst those higher up the organisation were given greater credence. Anyhow, suffice to say, out of a three hour plus meeting, I nwas in tears for two of 'em. Not proud of this, but that's just the way things are. Fuck 'em. I'm in no way proud to work for this organisation anymore, it's more interested in ticking boxes, public image and kudos. It certainly gives not one solitary shit for it's employees. My prediction is that it will become, in all but name, a wing of NHS/Social Services. In some ways I feel that it already is, with the exception of it's campaigning arm. And hay, Mind seems to be heading the same way too. Save us!!!!!!

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 21:12

Registry Keys and Adware Virus-Type Shit!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Hi chaps. Sorry I've not been around much of late.

Anyone else been victim of the js.exception.exploit thingy virus whatsit??? Not incredibly harmful, just thoroughly pisses you off!!!!! It changes yer home page and try as you might you cannot change the fucker back! Yes I tried 'regedit' yes I checked permissions, yes I checked windows cough-knowledge-cough-base, to no fucking avail! On the positive side, I found SlimBrowser which appears to be a top browser! go ahead and check it out kids!

Thursday night was weird, finished work about 10pm and had that impulsive "I fancy a Chinese so I'm gonna have one" feeling, only to meet two random guys of similar age to exchange tales and reminisce about that late 70's early 80's punk scene!!! Cool eh? Even better... I got free sauce and salad shit. Ho hum.

Huge snogs to Carla and Lau, please think of me when I get seven shades of shite land upon me tomorrow at work!!!

btw, SlimBrowser rocks! Go download it, like now or sooner!

Oh, and you really should go listen to this go on, you know you want to =))

And there's a fucking great big WASP in my kitchen!!!!!!! yeeeeeaaaaarrrrgggggghhhh!!!!!!!

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 20:18

awwww sweet!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Donna's daughter drew this for me based on my xmas mohican pic. Ain't it sweet! =))))

Saturday's training went pretty well, but usually I get a real buzz afterwards, like it's a 10 hour performance, anyway, this time I didn't get much of a buzz at all. It was good, but something was missing.
Tomorrow I have to go get my blood tested then work till 10pm (9am till 10pm Thursday) and I have to get a year's worth of stats analysed by Friday for the Department of Health. Hoorah! Someone please motivate my fat arse.
Next Monday will be a laugh and a half as I have the meeting with current (transient) boss and employee relations officer, just prior to meeting our commissioners (great planning transient boss).

On a lighter note, I found these hilarious extracts from housing complaints to uk housing associations and councils! Enjoy, hawdehawhaw!!! =))))

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 18:40

Phwooar!!!!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Sorted out the training materials and schedule for tomorrow, picked up the keys and got the entry codes and stuff... then off to the shops. But not before partaking of a roll-up outside the Grosvenor shopping centre. Now low and behold, amongst the stream shoppers emerged two nuns! Now, that's fair enough in itself apart from the fact that they were darned attractive and seemed to be flirting with their eyes and wimples, hehheh. Fair does I guess, have to admit that the footwear was something of a let-down, but what the hey?
Tomorrow will be a lonnnnngggg, but enjoyable day training Lisa, Hannah and Fi. It's really the only part of this shitty job that I enjoy these days, meeting and training these gorgeous folk. I really admire them all for coming forward in the first place and for committing and for being just generally top people! Of course some of them are rather attractive also, hehehe, but I wouldn't notice that would I???? =PPPP

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 22:08

A matter of some urgency

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Back to work today... hoorah! I have blood tests booked and a referral to Psych services. 2 x hoorah! Main reason for getting back in the saddle is that I have three gorgeous new volunteers to train up, starting on Saturday and we really LOVE our volunteers!!!! Called the guy that I believe is my boss this week and got through to his PA. He called me back while I was at the Post Office (wouldn't you just know it???!!!???) so I have a meeting booked in to discuss my 'issues' and 'future working practices' with him and thankfully out employee relations officer will be attending also so as to adjudicate or whatever. No quesrtion regarding my wellbeing or the reason for my absence... enought to make one paranoid i.e. on a sickie as avoidance strategy. Hmmm... Apparently this is a matter of 'great urgency' so it's happening on 26th April (?) 2 hours before a funders meeting. Not such a great choice IMHO, particularly if the meeting goes badly. Ho Hum, said Pooh....
My piles are getting huge and painful.... pilkes of work! lol. What the hell? Main thing is to give good training to these lovely volunteers. Once more, IMHO. Beyond that... hey, make me redundant or screw me down with your policies. I really don't need all this. I did the calculations and the monetary benefit really doesn't outweigh the happiness/fulfillment side of the equation. Go figure.

I loves you all!

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 18:39

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Sunday, April 11, 2004

...to have christianity, sport and children's movies rammed down our throats. I was under the impression that england was a diverse, multi-cultural society with cultures imposed and absorbed from european and scandinavian invading/occupying forces allied with the effects of our own, albeit brief empire and resulting colonies. Our future king has expressed a desire to be known as 'defender of faiths' rather than the traditional 'the faith' in the singular. Certainly there is much legislation and persuasion from on high for organisations to 'be accepting of diversity'. So how come government still insists on an act of worship in schools? How come our glorious BBC refers to today as 'easter sunday'? Surely it's, in reality a secular festival of chocolate, meat, bunny rabbits, cute chicks (lol) and various egg-related activities?
Interestingly enough, easter is yet another ancient pagan festival hijacked by the the johnny-come-lately christian powers. The word 'easter' derives from the nordic goddess Oestre, whose symbol is the egg which holds within it the seed of a new life. It is, broadly speaking, a celebration of spring and the renewed fertility of the land. Indeed, if one thinks of the flowers that will adorn places of christian assembly, one may raise a wry smile when one remembers that flowers are, in fact, the genitals of plants... not designed to be smelt and looked at by humans, rather to attract pollinating insects or to allow the fertilising pollen to be carried by the wind in the hope of finding a mate.
In short, churches are displaying plant pornography! rotflol.
The collection plate is being passed round. Please give generously.

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 13:35

The Wrong Good Friday

Saturday, April 10, 2004

How the fuck would I remember that it's some weird religious holiday???? Anyhow, to commemorate some bloke's suffering I decided to lacerate my body a little more and let the blood trickle down my arms. Plays havoc with yer sheets though I can tell you.

I intended to go see the quack today as I've been on the sick all week after last week's shenanneghans, I mean I couln't face another day of intense emotions and extreme reactions like last week. I know I'm in the right, but apparently that doesn't count for zilch in this world. So i took the sensible route of removing myself from the situation for a few days. Unfortunately the thought of calling the GP surgery and being told of the two week wait for an appointment OR pleading for an 'emergency' appointment really put me off, added to my inability to function in the mornings made me put off the dreaded phone call until today. (Have to get GP note after 5 days off), but it's bloody Easter! So GP surgeries won't open until Tuesday. Sheesh! So now I'll get harangued even more for asking for an emergency appt. Never mind, I'm sure I'll manage to cultivate some new lacerations before then. It's actually quite a nice sensation feeling the fluid slowly running down your body, not that I recommend it or anything. I mean it does hurt and contrary to popular belief people with self harming behaviour don't enjoy pain, it's much more complicated than that. Also, self harming behaviour comes in a variety of flavours, too numerous to mention here.
Sorry to all the folk that have tried to contact me this week. I'm not ignoring you. I just can't be my usual supportive self right now which i know will lose me some friends. Maybe that's a common thing with self harm? Not feeling comfortable with seeking help or sharing feelings? Dunno. Probably.

Well, I'm sure that little lot's lost me some visitors too! hehehe What the hell. You'll visit again if you want to. I'd be happy if you did.

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 00:04

Andy's in the shit again

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Not been the best of weeks. Monday was ok, Uni was good, got 85% on last assignment and had a student rep meeting.
Then the Tuesday of doom! A rather unsatisfactory meeting in London left several colleagues and myself flabberghasted, fuming, dissillusioned and fearful for the future of the services we manage i.e. our jobs and years of work. As you can imagine our stress levels went through the roof, those with partners had strained relations... I'm sure you can fill in the blanks. I had the pleasure of being on-call this week and found it difficult to motivate and reassure the people I was supporting who were dealing with issues such as domestic violence and suicide. I believe I did a good job there, until Friday... To cut a long story short, our organisation has a message board for staff which is generally clogged up with anonymous postings by those fearful of any repurcussions. So what does andy do? Yup, you guessed it, I vented my spleen (not actually naming names) but putting my name to the post on a point of principle. The waters seemed to have settled somewhat by friday until I picked up messages from my new boss of 1.5 days to call him urgently, by the end of the day. This I dutifully did, only to be interrogated, called a discourteous pedant, criticised and pressed to provide names. I'm not a lover of confrontation, far from it, and can well do without phone calls of that nature on a friday afternoon; particularly when new boss has spoken to a variety of other people before asking for my side of the story. I shall be taking advice as to where I stand but would not be surprised if I was suspended.
My main regret in all this is purely that I would have been better reviewing and editing, changing the wording and clouding some references, before posting; but I believe anonymous postings are not taken seriously and therefore will always put my name to what I feel and believe to be right. In any case, a savvy techno bod could quite easily identify posters via IP addresses if they were so inclined.
Any comments or advice would be most welcome.

2004 snogs

posted by Andy 14:24

No Blog = stressed Andy

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I haven't forgotten you all, just one of those weeks... tell you later

snogs till then

posted by Andy 20:18